Friday, June 26, 2015

Mama On The Run: Proving Myself

It's been 11 weeks post-surgery - the unplanned surgery that changed up my spring/summer running plans, but brought an even greater perspective to the plans greater than my own.

So it's time for some updates - not only the physical aspects of running and exercising, but the mental aspects as well. These ramblings are simply to remind myself of the span of changes that have taken place these past 11 weeks. I'm hoping it provides comfort to other women who may be enduring similar health issues. Because I'm finding....as with much of the medical world....that there's a whole lot of science and not a lot of emotion.

Here goes...(and men, if you don't want to read about girl parts and hormones, then you can totally skip this part!)

I honestly thought I'd be back to "normal" by now (whatever that is!). Physically my body has healed. My scars are there - providing me sweet reminder of God's mercy and healing. My cycle has returned and it's pretty regular, despite the fact that instead of the usual cramping of my entire girl parts, it's only on the right side where the one ovary remains.

Running-wise, I'm still getting there. Still! That's where I thought I'd be more ahead of the curve by now. I ran a half-marathon 6 weeks post surgery. Slow and steady, took more walk breaks, and enjoyed just toeing a start line. I figured after that victory I'd quickly pick up steam and find myself back to my usual pace and effort level.

But now, on the brink of a 5K race tomorrow, I'm still feeling slow and sluggish. It doesn't help that it's been super hot (upper 90s, touching 100) and super humid (anywhere from 60-80%) for several days now, meaning even 5 a.m. runs are in the 70s with high humidity levels. It also doesn't help that our son for a month went on a sleep stand-off, where he felt the need to go potty every hour, on the hour from midnight to 5 a.m.

I thought I'd be in better shape as I compete in this race tomorrow. More like I felt that I needed to be. It's an important race to me. It's a race that I created and coordinated for the last 7 years and finally (!) am able to run it. It's the first race since coordinating events for my job that I'll get to do - the only one this year as I continue to transition moving out of the race coordinator position and grow into a new position with work.

I want to prove myself. That the former race coordinator can rock the race she created. That she can medal in her age group after watching her fellow Hutch friends and runners cross the finish line while she handed them awards.

Mentally, I feel like I can do it. Physically - the part that for so long I was able to control but is now out of my hands - I honestly don't know what tomorrow will bring. I could end up rocking the race like I want. Or I could end up sucking wind and finishing strong, but disappointed.

I just don't know. And that has to be ok.

So I still set goals: 1 - to finish strong, regardless; 2 - to run 24:00-25:00; 3- to run under 24:00 and hopefully place in age group.

But the most important goal - the one goal that I know without a doubt will happen - that I will run for God's glory.

Press on, friends!





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