....when I could power through a 5K or 10K and feel stronger and faster with each mile instead of having to walk.
....when I toed the start line a bundle of nerves because I had a feeling about competing well.
I miss those days!
I don't want to sound like a pouter. I'm beyond blessed to be AT a starting line and power through to the finish line 13 weeks post-surgery. But this blog is a life journal, a place where I share my struggles and dreams and desires.
Coach says I'm getting there. It'll happen. But type-A me wants to know when. When will the light bulb finally turn "on" and it just clicks? When, when, when?
There is no answer. Each body is different, and each of us handle medical issues, body stress, and healing differently. I'm just over 13 weeks post-surgery. I have to keep reminding myself that.
But I also don't want it to hold me back.
I'm at a crossroads of physical vs mental pushing. Am I pushing myself too hard physically? Am I not pushing myself enough mentally and taking the "easy" way out, giving in to the excuses playing in my head?
I just don't know. But I keep pressing on and digging deep. Just this week - during a cool, fall-like morning run - the "dig deep" mantra popped into my head again. That was my go-to phrase this year. And while it's taken on a new form, it still exists and has great purpose in God's plans this second half of the year. He's allowing me to dig deep in different ways - with full reliance on Him, which is pretty stinkin' humbling when things don't go my way.
I ran one of my slowest 10K times - if not the slowest (53:48)....and still managed to win my age group! Had I ran previous years times, I would have been in the running for a top three overall female win and cash prizes. There's that competitive spirit again, huh - thinking of the shoulda, coulda, wouldas.
Mackie, meanwhile, soared to a PR and 3rd place in her age group (9:47). She was thrilled and it was such a fun mile of girl time!
I walk away from this race still learning. Just like the Bill Snyder half-marathon and Firecracker 5K races before this one, I'm using this summer race season to educate myself and to continue pushing myself to get better - both mentally and physically - and working to get to that blissful point my coach says will come in due time.
To GOD be the glory! Press on, running friends!